Conversation Revolution

[CR] How To Change The People Around You

5 mins 40 secs

If you’re struggling to get on with somebody, you might want to think about a concept psychologists talk about a lot: projection.

It’s where we “see” something in other people and believe it to be the truth about them.

But it’s as much about us as it is about them.

Sometimes when I explain this to people they get a bit annoyed…

They truly believe that the people they hate really ARE hateful.

And funny people really ARE funny.

Etc, etc.

But nobody is really “like this”, or “like that”, because if they were we would all agree about them.

EVERYBODY would love them.

(Or loathe them.)

That doesn’t happen, because a LOT of what we see in others is about what we ourselves are looking for in them.

What we choose to believe.

And this is very good news.

Because we can change the stories we tell ourselves about other people.

It takes a leap of faith, but by changing the way we think of them, we change our behaviour towards them.

And as our behaviour changes, so does theirs.

Mind you, it’s not easy, and it doesn’t always “pay off” as planned.

Because you can’t just play other people like a piano.


I thought it might help if I showed you how differently we behave towards others, depending on how we are feeling / thinking about them.

I asked someone I’ve known for a VERY long time to help me demonstrate.

Take a look, and see if you can work out what kind of story I’m telling myself about him, in each case. And leave a comment in the box below, with your best guess.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Let me know what you think. Leave a comment in the box below. Tell me what I was thinking about my little friend, in A, B and C.

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